I Only Wish Someone Would Have Pulled Me Aside and Said…

I have no tissue to stop the faucet running from my nose. I’m sitting in a packed conference room surrounded by other homeschool parents, wondering if I’m the only one making a fool of myself. I tell myself to pull it together as I stifle a sob, and like a child, use the back of my hand to swipe the ceaseless flow. 

Author, podcaster, and homeschool mom of seven, Heidi St. John, was telling a story of when she brought her elementary report cards home. On the back of the report card, her teachers would write how she was a great student, but…she talked too much. The next year, it would say the same: “Heidi talks too much.”

She then exclaimed, “No one ever said, ‘Maybe someday Heidi should be a teacher!’” 

That’s when I needed that tissue as I uncomfortably sat smack dab in the middle row. I was transported back into time and feared that all eyes in the room were on me. You see, her story sounded a lot like mine but with different words. 

My words weren’t written on the back of report cards; they were spoken out loud in front of my peers.

High School 2003

Freshman year during study hall, the librarian asked me a snarky question, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” 

A small private school means everyone knows everyone, so the students in the library were aware that she was comparing me to my one and only senior sister. My sister has some amazing qualities and gifts that the Lord has given her, yet I don’t think any teacher would have written on her report card that she talks too much. The teacher was stating this case loud and clear: be like your sister who doesn’t talk so much.

The next year as a sophomore, another teacher firmly declared to me in front of the class, “You. Are. Boisterous.” If you’ve known this teacher, you could picture the fire coming out of her eyes and how she would emphasize each word. No one dared to be under her wrath. 

I’m not defending my disobedience or disrespect when I've used my mouth at the wrong times. I could go on with stories of how I have used my tongue to ignite a fire and destroy (James 3:3-6). I only wish someone would have pulled me aside and said, "Christina, I think the Lord has gifted you with words and talking…maybe He will use it someday!”

That would have changed my perspective. Sadly, I have carried those words (and several statements from other people) with me for decades, influencing how I viewed myself. These teachers were not wrong that this negative trait could potentially have been an ongoing struggle and weakness for me. But they were wrong to assume that what I have to offer is less than (in the case of comparing me to my sister) or more than (declaring I’m just too much). Consequently, I had made an idol out of people’s opinions of me, living my life teetering between those two contrary fears: “Am I enough?” Or “Am I too much?”

My Traveling Handstand - Red Rock Canyon, Las Vegas

It has taken me years later to acknowledge this and be able to believe the truth of my identity in Jesus Christ, using Scripture as my balance. Hence why I wanted to sob at this lightbulb moment from Heidi’s story. How like our God to use the very thing that was a problem, her words, to bring about a healing balm to the very thing that people saw as a problem in me. 

Our words matter. They speak life or death. I am now greatly aware of what I say to my children and the impact my tongue has on them. I don’t ever want them years later to look back and remember something I said that tore them down, and I left it there.

This picture sums up my motherhood!

Heidi St. John continues to encourage me in this area of my mothering. She tells us that the very thing in our children that is driving us crazy is a gift from God. She challenges us to turn it into a blessing by honing it for His glory.

But boy, is it hard. When Kherington was a toddler, she was a first-born, strong-willed little girl. An older, wiser woman told me that being strong-willed is not a bad thing, and to resist trying to fight it out of her. Rather, this woman reminded me that God desires strong-willed people to rise up and use that strength and determination for His glory. It completely changed my perspective on parenting her through the toddler years. Now, if you know my twelve-year-old daughter, she is so kind, empathetic, sensitive, and a friend to all. She has incredible compassion for her three younger brothers and fights for them to be obedient (because she wants them to be less stressful for me). As a pre-teen, I’m now teaching her to release her fierce desire to control every situation, but use her strong will to lead by example and with love. 

Then there is my ten-year-old second-born boy. I recently heard a podcast by another homeschool author and speaker explaining five traits of a boy. My ears perked up because I could use all the “boy mom” advice I can get! I listed the traits on our prayer chalkboard as a reminder for us as we go about our day and encounter sinful tendencies. I explain to Damon what God created boys for: to lead, protect, conquer, provide, and build. How he behaves, emotes, and responds is coming from one or more of those five desires. He can use these to do good for others and God’s glory, or he can use them for sin and his own pride and selfishness. 

This has transformed my admonishing of Damon’s behavior. When he’s prone to bully his twin brothers, I pull him aside, point to the board, and ask him, “Which one do you think you are trying to do right now?” He ashamedly answers, “Conquer.” “Are you conquering in a way that is honoring to the Lord?” “No.” “How can you choose next time to conquer or lead or protect them in love and righteousness?” As we discuss a God-glorifying response, I can see his understanding increase and hope rising rather than discouragement and shame.

I don’t want to only point out the wrong my children are doing; I want to build them back up to train them in the way to go. The first without the second is speaking death without giving them the hope of life. 

And then there are the twin toddler boys. Double “Oh, boy.” Or boys in this case. That thing, or things (plural), that are driving me crazy, huh? It’s a blessing? A gift? Did I hear that right, Heidi? Because the double boy toddler stage sure is driving me bonkers, and it takes more effort to focus on the blessings. One twin is unlike any of the other three children that we have experienced. But I’ve pondered this more. What would motherhood look like if I changed my perspective on the sinful heart struggles of my children? What if I viewed the bad and ugly, that very thing that is driving me crazy, as possibly the very thing that Jesus uses in them for His glory?

Doesn’t the Bible tell story after story of God using that weak thing in people to bring about hope, freedom, transformation, the spread of the gospel, His purpose and will accomplished…

Isn’t that exactly what happened with me? The very thing I kept getting scolded about is the very thing I’m most passionate about…speaking, writing, talking about the life and hope we have in Jesus Christ. Being a homeschool teacher to my children and using opportunities, lessons, experiences, and struggles to point them to Jesus in all things. 

What looked like back then for me could have been a path of destruction, I can now testify that the Lord has used the Spirit’s gifts of mercy and encouragement through my words, writings, book, counseling, speaking, and friendships for His purpose and glory.

Speaking at my hospital's memorial service to honor babies who have died.

Now when the tears are flowing in frustration and fear as the dreaded daily one-hour-long battle of the nap begins, I take my “Yahweh breaths” and remind myself of these truths. But the Lord gives me a glimpse of hope as that one twin sneaks out of his room to tell me,

“I’ve been talking to Jesus to stop the rain so we can go to Mimi and Papaw’s house.” 

I’m speechless. My three-year-old is talking to Jesus. I laugh and pray, “Oh Lord, what are You going to do with this boy for Your glory?”

Mother’s Day 2024