Brett and I may have walked a red carpet last month to celebrate the completion of a ten-year film project, Disciples in the Moonlight…

While we are awed by God’s grace and faithfulness and are privileged to be used by Him in this endeavor, it didn’t mean as much as another red carpet moment…

What would motherhood look like if I changed my perspective on the sinful heart struggles of my children? What if I viewed the bad and ugly, that very thing that is driving me crazy, as possibly the very thing that Jesus uses in them for His glory?

At the end of each day, what I really want to say is “Look, God! Look at my kids and what I did today! Do you see me? Is what I am doing working? Or is it all in vain?”

Because deep down I want the sacrifices, the tears, the not-social-media-worthy mundane, repetitive, long, hard days to mean something, anything. I’m looking to the results to show my worth and my children’s worth, and when there is nothing to show, I fall prey to discouragement, defeat, and rejection.

Praise the Father that He does not parent like me…

God is using the hardships, the chaos, and the crying to produce the fruit of the Spirit in all of us as a family. This is the way that the gospel becomes not only words recited from memory, but life-changing power and strength transforming us to be more like Jesus.

This was the first time in six years that I asked myself if I could honestly continue to homeschool.

Therefore, for several weeks I’ve been searching my heart, motives, and concerns, the pros and cons of other options, and asking the Lord to show me His desire for us.

The answer was not what I expected…

“How will this impact her?” She is going to remember that his life meant something. It had value.

Are you grieving right now? Allow your kids to see the grief.