I invited my daughter into my grief.
During these times with Grief, I don’t try to control my emotions; I let them flow until I find the strength the Lord sustains me with until next time. The weight that I’ve been carrying lately has been heavy. I anticipate I’ll be here the rest of the night. Yet, I hear a door squeak open down the hall. By the sounds of the particular door squeak, it’s Kherington coming out of her room. She probably has to pee. I lie still and wipe the current tears making a pool on my pillow.
“If she comes in here, should I fake that I’m fine, or let her meet my friend, Grief?” I ask myself, needing to make a quick decision because she’s perceptive. “I’m not going to hide but let her see” is my decision. Sure enough, she comes into my room and immediately notices my face wet with tears.
“Are you OK, Mommy?”
“I’m really sad right now. Missing Seth and Roi.” That is enough for her to know and understand. I hold back because it’s all too much to bear for a seven-year-old. I’m barely holding on myself.
She doesn’t say anything in response. She crawls into bed beside me. I am facing the other way and don’t move, while she snuggles up to me and starts rubbing my back. Her soft hand moves up to my hair, and she strokes my curls.
*****
That is an excerpt from one of my favorite chapters in my book. You can read what happens next here!
Grief affects the people closest to us. We try to hide it, suppress it, shield it from them. But there is no way around it, because the grief will come out in some way. Kherington witnessed my grief on a day-to-day basis. Yet whenever I couldn’t hide it, she was there to comfort me. The above was a particular moment she and I shared that forever changed my perspective on grief.
Kherington has had to carry burdens that I never expected her to. She’s the oldest and only sister to her five brothers, two of whom she waits to meet in Heaven. There were many times she took care of Damon when I needed to stay in bed. And ever since the twins came, she’s been a mini-mom to them, always eager to help me.
Last October we celebrated Kherington and her birthday, to show how grateful we are for her and how much we love her: a shopping spree from family, a birthday masquerade party with her bestest friends, and a fancy date at the Cake Bake Shop.
Are you grieving right now? Allow your kids to see the grief. When you invite them into the grief, it will increase their empathy and compassion, and gives you the opportunity to point them to the Hope that comes from only Jesus.
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Read how I allowed my kids to see my grief in Living Hope: Giving Birth to Death Brought Life.
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