What If We Respond to Our Scars Differently?
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The text message popped up on my phone as Brett and I were on a much-needed date, dreaming about our future and how the Lord may be leading us. As we sipped our coffee, we also talked about our own painful past wounds that we’ve been asking the Lord to heal so that we can step out without hindrance into what He has next for us.
I set my phone down and ached for my dear friend. I knew all too well how she felt, when the pain seems too much. But I’ve also been on the other side of the pain, when it doesn’t feel like it’s suffocating at every moment as the wave starts to recede, and comes and goes at times, but not as forceful like those first brutal hits.
However, it seems that it doesn’t change whether the wave recently almost drowned you, or you are farther along in your healing journey, or when you thought you were doing really well, and BAM!—something from your past knocks you off of your feet, because deep down there is an ache that you wonder if it will ever go away. Or the fear that you’ll never be fully healed this side of Heaven, and that ache will follow you wherever you go.
As we walk through our own healing processes from suffering and sin, it is very comparable to the healing process of physical wounds. After an initial injury, some wounds need to be cleaned out to prevent infection or further wound injury. Then as it starts to heal, a scab forms. The purpose of scabs on our skin is to make a boundary to continue blocking out bacteria and foreign invaders that would stall or prevent the cut from healing properly. It forms while underneath it, the cells are doing its job of making new skin. Once the skin is healed, the scab falls off.
Yet, most likely once the scab falls off, a scar is left. A source online says, “Scars form when the dermis (deep, thick layer of skin) is damaged. The body forms new collagen fibers (a naturally occurring protein in the body) to mend the damage, resulting in a scar. The new scar tissue will have a different texture and quality than the surrounding tissue. Scars form after a wound is completely healed.”
Watching the doctors try to manually flip Roman after Reagan was born. He was in distress and danger, resulting in emergency surgery minutes later.
I have quite a collection of physical scars from wounds I’ve received over the years. Each scar tells a story, and I could explain most of those stories from start to finish. I feel my mom pressing down on my five-year-old massive head of curls to stop the blood pooling as I sit on the kitchen counter. Nap time ended quickly that day after I did a cartwheel on my bed, fell off, and slammed my head into the corner of my dresser. I hear my sister’s laugh as I slip and fall face-first on the ice of our driveway, slicing open my forehead. She stopped laughing when she saw blood streaking down my face, but I caught a remaining faint smirk. My cesarian scar from Roman’s traumatic delivery says more than I can write, but I trace my finger along it as a reminder of God’s miracles and blessings of carrying six children in my womb under this scar that I wear with pride.
Reagan and I coming to meet Roman for the first time, once he was stable from birth asphyxia - it took 7 minutes to breathe on his own.
Lastly, I save my most infamous scar on the bridge of my nose. I was daringly diving off the handles of our pool ladder (OK…more like showing off) when my feet slipped back and I landed face first on the ladder, completely breaking my nose and cutting the bridge open. I can still see my friend’s hand cover her mouth and hear her fearful scream, “O. My. Gosh!!!” after I flipped over and blood was gushing out of my nose everywhere. Soon after, I hear my dad’s feet running on the deck and feel his strong arms lifting me out of the pool.
These scars are with me now for all earthly time. I smile now thinking back to all those memories. They weren’t anything to really smile about then. Some were more painful than others. But that’s one thing I actually do not remember: the pain. I no longer feel it like I did when those injuries occurred and even during the healing process. I am completely healed of all those wounds. The scabs have long left my skin, although scars remain.
But what about the wounds that run deep within? Much, much deeper than the dermis layer of our skin? Deep within our souls? The emotional and mental scars from the pain of sin, whether it be from our own doing or inflicted on by another? Or the scars left by grief and suffering out of our control? Will there always be that deep ache? From what was lost? or damaged? or stolen? or given away? What could have been or could never be?
As I look back over my life and the wounds I have suffered, I can see more clearly the healing process. When the wound is immediately inflicted, it’s like my friend texted: the weight of pain is unbearable, leaving you in a dark cloud so thick that it numbs all senses. Then as the cleaning process begins, I can now see the Healer’s hands delicately caring for the wound, digging out the dirt or foreign invaders—the pride, the idols that were being worshipped in place of Him, anything that is dangerous and hindering the protection of my soul. The Lord uses sin and suffering—our wounds—as an opportunity to perform surgery on our hearts. I’ve never seen my sinful heart and desperate need of Jesus more in life than when I’ve walked through the suffering and pain.
Then as time moves forward, the wound continues the journey of healing. One way we handle the pain of the past is by what I wrote previously: we can learn to emotionally regulate our responses to triggers that remind us of painful or traumatic experiences. We meditate on the Lord’s character and promises, we sing His praises, we cry and lament to Him, and we find opportunities to laugh. These behaviors have a tremendous effect on our bodies and minds to calm us and give us the peace we need, so we can continue to move forward in healing and not be stuck in the past pain.
While triggers are mostly unavoidable and not the fault of ourselves, the Spirit revealed to me another response and purpose triggers can bring, after I recently experienced an overwhelming trigger from my past. Reminders of painful and traumatic experiences are an opportunity for the Lord to unveil areas that still need His deeper healing. Similarly in a physical wound, scar tissue can build up and cause inflammation and nerve pain months and even years later. Forcefully massaging and compressing the scar tissue helps reduce the ongoing damaging effects.
My response to the recent trigger revealed my heart’s posture that was not in line with the Lord’s will for me; therefore, He painfully pressed into me so I could see my heart’s desires more clearly. I realized I was the one allowing the scar tissue to form, causing distress and holding myself back from further healing! I have been fighting my will to surrender to His daily, asking Him to compress my desires and replace them with His, in order to free me from the grip my wound still has on me.
For what is the ultimate purpose of the Healer? My first desire is for the deep ache to be removed once and for all. My hope is that the pain of my wounds will subside just like I do not experience even a flicker of pain when I look at myself in the mirror and see the fading scar on my nose. But our Healer wants more. During the process of the scab being formed, His desire is to be the One under the surface remolding, remaking, and renewing our hearts. If “the new scar tissue will have a different texture and quality,” His ultimate goal in healing is to “form new fibers to mend the damage,” remaking that new scar tissue to have the texture and quality that looks more like Jesus Christ, and less like ourselves before the wounding.
The wounding, the digging, the cleansing, the boundaries, the pain, the scabbing, the scarring is all part of the healing, and it’s the Healer’s way to bring about the most transformative change in ourselves. If we surrender to the Healer and allow Him to do His work under the surface, the scars shouldn’t look like our former selves—our desires, feelings, thoughts, responses, and behaviors should display the fruit of the Spirit and gospel hope of Jesus for all to see.
There is no other easy way. There’s no other painless way. Yes, it’s excruciating and difficult, but we only have to suffer a taste of what it could have been and what we deserve. For the only reason we can even be healed from our horrific wounds is because Jesus, Himself, was cut, bled, crushed, broken, and pierced on our behalf.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5, NIV)
We wounded Jesus with our sin, yet He willingly took on the punishment of our sin so that our wounds would be healed. Meditate on this. Think about the wounding you have experienced and that pain that was too much you didn’t even have words. The weight of grief and darkness and rejection and fear and abandonment and insecurity and shame. Jesus did not only feel the weight of that for your wound, He felt the weight of every single sin and suffering that every person has ever experienced from the beginning of time until the end. Let that sink in. No, we can’t even fathom it.
Jesus took the full cup of suffering so that our wounds will be healed for all eternity! What grace! What mercy! Because Jesus took on our death sentence, the ultimate wounding, God is able to give us a life sentence, the ultimate healing—eternal life.
Furthermore, His body will always display scars while ours will disappear. I believe it will be to remind us that we’ve been healed only by His wounds; if we kept our scars while Jesus was without His, we would be tempted to hold onto our identity in them. Rather, our identity is found in the healing and redemption that cost Jesus, not anything we do, what happens to us, or what others do to us.
When faced with the trigger from my past, I wanted healing in the way I thought would be best for me. I held up my scars to Jesus, begging Him to redeem. I doubted His way, until He reached out His own scarred hand and covered mine. He reminded me that my redemption was already paid for. He voluntarily shed His blood as a sacrifice—a payment to purchase me. ME! His scars are an eternal promise that my earthly scars have no power over me—I am no longer in bondage to the wounds. I am free! They don’t say who I am, because I am His!
And because God’s grace is unfathomable, He doesn’t stop there. The apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, “For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.”
Tim Keller commented on this verse: “I believe that God is so triumphant over evil that every scar that you incur in this life will only make your eventual joy and weight of glory in the resurrection even greater.”
The weight of sin and suffering that Jesus bore will give us a weight of glory. Therefore, God won’t only heal you; He will take your deepest wounds and most horrific scars and replace them with an even deeper joy and weight of glory.
I hear the Spirit whispering to my soul,
“Oh, my daughter. What is to come will be so much greater and glorious than you could ever have hoped for or imagined on this earth (1 Cor. 2:9, Eph 3:20). The joy you think you would receive wouldn’t come even close to the joy you will attain when I make everything right and bring the redemption you ache for (2 Cor. 4:17). The chasm of your wounds will be filled with the glory you will share with Me. And not only filled, but overflowing with redemption in abundance (Psalm 130:7). No sin or suffering can take away your honor and dignity, since it’s My scars, not your own, that declare who you are—Mine forever.”
Friends, this is your hope too. This is the gospel that has implications for your scars right now, not only when you were first saved by the wounds of Jesus, nor in the future when you receive your eternal glory. Right now, we ache and long, but we wait and hope.
Paul also gives us perspective in Romans on how to live with our wounds:
“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:22-25, NIV)
This passage answers the question if we will always have that deep ache. Yes, I will always groan inwardly for all things to be made right and restored in its proper place. A longing to be liberated from the temptation of sin that surrounds me daily. For my physical body to be healed from an inflammatory bowel disease. My heart completely void of all fleshly desire. Every relationship reconciled, redeemed, and whole. My two sons alive in my arms. All my scars completely wiped away. But this ache is not aimless or in vain. The present and ongoing phantom pains compel me to hope—to hope in what we do not have yet—for Jesus Christ to come back and renew our sinful and suffering bodies and souls to abundant healing and glory.
When we are full of this hope, we stop doubting and believe. After Jesus rose again and visited His disciples, He told doubting Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” (John 20:27, NIV)
The Garden Tomb - Jerusalem
Doubting holds us in bondage and unbelief, that our wounds are too much and too deep. When we do this, we are too focused on our own scars. We have a tendency to stay in the shame or try to fix it in our own way and time. We try to put a bandaid on it, never allowing the cleansing to go deep, never feeling the pain but avoiding or self-medicating, not putting up boundaries to prevent further damage, or holding Jesus at a distance, which will only keep us stuck in the grief and bondage of the past.
Jesus is asking you to reach out and believe in the redeeming power of His scars, surrendering to the healing that you ache for in His way and His time. If you see yourself transforming by God’s gracious healing process, that’s how you know if your doubting is turning to faith and your wound is truly healing. And then once you finally see His scars over your own, that’s when you can point…
Point out Jesus’ scars to others, not your own. In the world’s eyes, Jesus’ scars are most likely ugly, and it is ridiculous that He would choose to keep them. Most of our physical scars are not much to look at either. Our culture spends time and money to reduce the scarring that is left from our wounds. We keep them covered. We are embarrassed by them. Sometimes it’s because we are too vain. Yet, some are too horrific to share the story of the wounding.
What if we respond to our scars differently? These scars deep down, the ones that we may be covering up, fearful of others to see, too ugly to bring out, some that still cause us to ache…instead of allowing the memories and pain of these scars to control us, cripple us from moving forward, discourage us to despair, and silence our voices, we show our scars by sharing our wounding stories. Only when we touch Jesus’ scars and believe, we find purpose in our own scars to point others to Jesus—where we received our healing and redemption, so that they too can find their own healing from sin and suffering in the wounds of Jesus.
Peter and Paul demonstrated this powerfully. Peter denied Jesus, not once, not twice, but three times in His presence as He was facing trial for death. The agonizing pain and shame he must have felt. Paul was a former Christian persecutor, murdering those who followed the risen Jesus Christ. I don’t know what your wounds are—not sure how much worse this can get—but because they believed in the healing power of Jesus redeeming them from the bondage of their past, their scars didn’t hold up to His. They were the first two most prominent missionaries of the gospel, which has been spreading across the world ever since. They died as martyrs, giving up their earthly lives in order for others to hear and receive the eternal healing that changed them forever.
Some of the most passionate, unashamed lovers and followers of Jesus are the ones that have the deepest wounds. Because they had an encounter with His faithful love in an even deeper way, a love that has no limits or bounds. They allowed Him to do the excruciating work under the surface to remake and restore them to a more powerful witness and testimony of Jesus. Their scars have made them even more beautiful, because they have shared in His sufferings, transforming them to look more like Him.
My dear friend said that she felt so much pain that she didn’t even know how to put it into words. Someday, I just know because I have had only a taste of it, the lack of words will be turned into endless words of joy, gratitude, thanksgiving, awe, and worship, as we fall on our faces before our Healer who wears our scars, sharing in the weight of His glory for all eternity.
Sharing your story doesn't need to be big and flashy, or shouted on social media for all to see. It starts with being vulnerable to one person you trust or finding a biblical counselor. I have been on both sides of the table as counselee and counselor, and it brings tremendous healing. If your local church does not have a counseling ministry, you can find someone near you here.
Merry Christmas from the Varvels