Triggered by reminders of past pain, grief, trauma? Our Creator has the answers.

My left thumb spins my wedding ring around and around and around my finger. My right foot shakes vigorously up and down, up and down as my leg hangs off of the exam room table. I notice my body’s heightened response as I fixate on the empty seat in front of me. I am immediately swept back to the moment I was waiting on this same exact exam table, yet Brett was in that seat in front of me with a lost look of complete numbness… 

The day my doctor could not find the heartbeat of Roi, reliving the nightmare a second time. 

I quickly come back to the present and calculate the math in my head. It’s 2024…Roi died in 2019…Wow. It’s been five years. I stop the spinning of my ring. I pause my foot. I’m now motionless, remembering that day in April so vividly. A lump in my throat begins to form.

This is why I have been avoiding this doctor’s office since the twins were born. I had no desire to come back here to this place that brings up the memories and pain of my two sons’ deaths. The only reason I am even here is because another physician recommended I check out some womanly issues. Oh, right. Just because I’m not having any more biological children doesn’t mean I’m not a woman anymore. 

When I called to make the appointment, the lady on the phone asked me when the last time I was there for any sort of check-up. “Umm…I haven’t been back since I had my twins in 2020.” 

“Girl!!! You need to take care of YOU!” she responded. I laughed and replied with the typical mom answer, “Oh, you know how it is. I’m busy taking care of everyone else first.” 

But after I hung up the phone with an appointment scheduled on my calendar, there was a quiet, gentle voice within me that said, “I don’t think that’s really the reason why.” 

Sure, I’m taking care of everyone, and yes, we are not planning on having any more biological children, but only then did it occur to me that I refused to walk into that office ever again because it was too much of a trigger. For me, that office is only about pregnancy, and I’m five out of six traumatic pregnancies and deliveries.

Moments before Reagan was transported via LifeLine to the children's hospital. 

In triggering moments of stress and trauma, our body and mind have a way of erasing all time since that event. You are taken back to that moment, reliving what happened in your mind and being flooded with similar emotions—as if nothing has changed, no time has passed. Triggers also set off an alarm of false danger which can cut open more past wounds, exasperating the pain.

No, thank you. I’m going on my merry way and don’t need to be reminded of all of that. Yet here I am for the first time back in four years since the twins’ birth, five years since Roi died, and six years since Seth’s death. Tears pool in my eyes, and I fight back the grief as my gaze travels from the empty seat where Brett sat to outside the window. The sun was shining in all its glory. This early summer morning was waking up to its warmth. 

“It’s not the same day,” realization starts to set in. 

The sun’s brightness filling the room illuminates my mind to see clearly through the fog of the memory. Four years ago, rain was pouring down on a cloudy, spring day outside the window behind Brett. 

“This is a different day. I am not back there.” 

This awareness that time has passed has a tremendous effect as I continue to wait for my doctor to enter the room. My mind begins to process the last five years. When there was no sound of a heartbeat on that rainy day, I had no idea that I would be sitting here five years later with four-year-old twin boys full of energy and laughter at home right now. The lump in my throat begins to resolve as a smile teases from my mouth. Instead of allowing the trigger to keep me in that time and place of trauma, I actively list in my head God’s blessings, grace, and miracles in my life from that moment forward. I am overwhelmed by His faithful love, compassion, comfort, and new mercies every day since then. It has been far from easy, but He’s never left me. As I continue to wait on the exam table, I lift my heart to praise and worship, thankful for once that my doctor is behind schedule to give me this holy moment. 

My doctor soon walks in, and she warmly greets me with a hug, since it has been over four years since I’ve seen her. She unhurriedly asks me questions to catch up. I briefly explain the moment I just had before she walked in, my disposition completely different from what I would have been had I not turned my mind to thanksgiving. Before long, we are laughing from swapping stories about our children and being moms. 

I walk out of that office with a joyful bounce in my step. Not only did my doctor give me a positive report about my concern, but it is further confirmed that this is not the same day. Five years ago, Brett and I somberly followed her to the back door exit to avoid passing through the waiting room filled with pregnant women. This day, I head straight through the waiting room saying, 

“Today is not that day. And I am not the same.”

As I drove home that morning, I continued to meditate on what happened during that visit. How was I able to take a triggering moment of grief that could have ended in despair and turn my emotional response to one of joy and thankfulness in the midst of the pain?

Prior to that day, I had come across information explaining emotional regulation when triggered by reminders that bring up past negative experiences or traumatic events. The therapist explained that it’s possible to regulate our emotions in a positive or delayed manner rather than allowing those emotions to lead us to unwanted or negative behaviors in that moment. 

Many of us remember learning about the sympathetic vs. the parasympathetic nervous systems. We were taught that the sympathetic is the “fight or flight” response to stress, while the parasympathetic is known as the “rest and digest” response. This is where the vagus nerve comes into play; a nerve that runs down from the brain to the gut impacting several organs. Doctors and therapists have been promoting the strengthening of the vagus nerve to increase positive responses of rest and digest, rather than fight or flight, to our never-ceasing stressful situations surrounding us.

Before you think this is a boring lesson on anatomy and physiology, stay with me! Within a short period of time, this topic kept popping up. When I’m hit several times simultaneously with the same truth, I wonder if the Lord is about to show me something, so I lean in to listen. I listed several ways to train the vagus nerve: 

1. Gargling

2. Laughter

3. Deep breathing

4. Hum/Sing/Chant

5. Exercise

6. Cold exposure

7. Mindfulness and Meditation

8. Crying

9. Hugging

As I read over the list in my journal, I geeked out because once again the Spirit made clear to me how science proves the Bible! How, you ask? The majority of those are found in God’s Word. Let me show you.

Laughter

“Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’” Psalm 126:2, ESV

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22, ESV

Deep Breathing

In times of distress, it’s effective to take deep breaths to supply the brain with adequate oxygen, specifically the prefrontal cortex, because it decreases the threat of stressors and controls our thoughts and behaviors. It brings calmness to our bodies, allowing us to make decisions based on logic and reality rather than our current dominating feelings.

Fighting off a panic attack once, I took a deep breath in while saying “Yah,” and breathed out saying “weh.” I had heard someone explain that the Hebrew name of God, YHWH, is symbolic to breathing. Every breath we take is saying His name, which is fitting because every breath we do take is only from Him, our Creator and sustainer of life. I have named these “Yahweh breaths,” and they allow me to focus on the Lord, as I also do the following…

“Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord!”  Psalm 150:6, NLT

Hum/Sing/Chant

Which brings me to the next practice. Open up the book of Psalms and take your pick. Over and over we are told to sing, make a joyful noise, praise, worship, and give thanks. The world will tell you to sit cross-legged on the ground and hum and chant over and over. But when the focus is off of ourselves and we look up to our Life-Giver to give Him praise and thanksgiving, your mind, body, and soul are affected. 

Turn on the worship music, have a dance party with your children, blare it in the car, and belt it in the shower. Whether there is a radiant smile on your face or tears flowing nonstop—sing!

“Shout to the Lord, all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy!” Psalm 98:4, NLT

Mindfulness and Meditation

Contrary to the beliefs of other religious and spiritual practices throughout the world, “renewing your mind” and meditating was originally God’s idea. Instead of emptying your mind (which will backfire and give a foothold to the devil—see Matthew 12:43-45), we are to fill our minds with truth about God—His character, His works, His law (the Bible).

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2, KJV

“How happy is the man…his delight is in the Lord’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night.” Psalm 1:1a, 2, HCSB

“Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.”Colossians 3:2, HCSB

“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all You have done; I reflect on the word of Your hands.” Psalm 143:5, HCSB

“When I think of You as I lie on my bed, I meditate on You during the night watches.” Psalm 63:6, HCSB

“I keep the Lord in mind always. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8, HCSB

Crying

Once again, turn to the Psalms full of lamenting. Crying is therapeutic as it releases pent-up emotions in a healthy, nondestructive way. Trust me, I know—sometimes I wonder if God might run out of bottles for the vast amount of tears I have shed in my life.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5b, HCSB

“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Psalm 34:17, ESV

“My tears have been my food day and night…” Psalm 42:3a, HCSB

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8, NLT

Hugging

Physical touch is powerful. Orphaned or abandoned babies and children who have experienced very little touch have lasting detrimental effects. Throughout Jesus’ life, notice how many times He touched people.

“Greet one another with a holy kiss.” 2 Corinthians 13:12, HCSB

"And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20, ESV

Notice: the vagus nerve is not mentioned in the Bible. Yet, God didn’t have to give explicit advice on training the vagus nerve! He is the One that created humans to function in this exact way to regulate our bodies in times of emotional and mental stress and trauma. He gave these instructions in His Word, knowing that it would impact the vagus nerve in order to bring about the “rest and digest,” the peace and calmness we desire and need. Therapists, psychologists, and researchers believe they have the solutions, and we put our hope in the mechanisms, when the deeper solutions have been right in front of us all along.

Friend, please don’t be swayed by, confused, or put your hope in Google, TikTok, or the latest influencer to find the answers to your pain, trauma, fighting triggers, freedom from anxiety and depression, the list goes on and on. I want you to not only see, but to believe, that God has given us solutions in His Word! God desires for us to find healing from our pain and wounds. The Bible is not only for spiritual blessing and healing; it has physical ramifications as well because God is the Master Physician. If only we would be inclined to search there first.

If I could sum up God’s clear instructions on stimulation of the vagus nerve to bring about emotional regulation, here it is:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4:4-9, NIV

How may times have you heard this passage? It looks a little different this time, doesn’t it? Your faith and obedience to Scripture will impact your heart, mind, soul, AND body! Don’t just write it on a sticky note or memorize it because it sounds like a good idea. “Put it into practice.” 

After I walked out of my doctor’s office that summer morning, the Lord gave me insight on fighting against the triggers of past pain and grief from controlling my emotions and responses. In that specific time of emotional distress, I meditated on Him, giving Him praise and thanks, cried, laughed, took deep breaths, and received a loving hug from my doctor. I was not the same, not only because five years had passed and the Lord is renewing me day by day, but because His peace was with me, guarding my heart and mind and further calming my body. 

Turns out, He knew that’s exactly what I needed, and He had already given me the prescription.

(For those of you that noticed, the Bible doesn’t command gargling, cold exposure, and exercise. If you practice the other tips, I’m sure you will be fine to pass on gargling! My guess on the lack of cold exposure and exercise is that for the vast majority of time, people didn’t have the luxury of heaters and air conditioners; they faced the extreme temperatures, and the method is actually beneficial to your body! Also, we HAVE to incorporate exercise because our 21st century lives are too sedentary. God created our bodies to move and adapt to changing weather climates, and to further my point, because He has purpose in everything—even impacting a nerve that controls our response to stress. :)